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won't get fooled again [Nov. 5th, 2008|03:07 am] [ Tags | election mccain obama mcdonalds racism ] [ currently residing | my room ] [ feeling | tired ] [ tunes | ocean avenue - yellowcard ] Another video blog. Enjoy. [: Link 1 comment|tell me what you think

where'd you go [Oct. 28th, 2008|11:46 pm] [ Tags | random opinions and thoughts ] [ currently residing | my living room. ] [ feeling | bored ] [ tunes | won't get fooled again - the who ] So I never know how to start this shit. It's always my awkward way of starting a conversation with a faceless person. Cause, yeah. Like I know who the fuck reads this shit. So, seeing as I haven't posted in a long time, I'm feelin' writing down just a whole bunch of random shit about myself. I'd update you on everything that's happened since August, but really, what's the point? Same shit, different day. Ya dig? Anyway, let's get the ball rolling here. I'll write this as I would my 'About Me' on MySpace. My name's Rhiannon, and I'm pretty tight. I like colors, but sometimes I like black and white. I love to say what's on my mind, even if it's gonna hurt someone's feelings. I've never really been one for looking terrible or being nice. I'm super fucking sarcastic. I like the smell of my hair after a long shower. I like clean clothes that don't smell like hot ass after Gym class. My room is always dirty, and I'm positive that I can't keep a clean room to save my life. I like getting piercings. I plan on getting a shitload of tattoos. I know my granddad will kill me for it, but hell, I want them anyway. I dig good music that's written well and that I can jam to. I smoke, and sometimes people make a big deal about it, but I do it and it's whatever when people say shit to me. People hate on me as much as others love on me, but it ain't nothin' but a thang. I love who I love, even if sometimes they don't deserve it. I hate who I hate and, trust me, they deserve it. I like garlic bread a lot. And mini pizzas. I always like to have a good movie with me. My cell phone's always on and I'm pretty much always texting. I steal shit, but only when I'm really craving something. Warm weather is 10 times better than cold weather. I wear shoes 'til they fall off my feet. I always seem to run out of toilet paper when I'm on the toilet. I bet I can kick your ass at any board game involving fake money. I love to spoon. I can't stand being alone. I drink straight from the milk carton and the 2 liters of soda. I have an acne problem and my teeth are misshapen. I do my make-up cool. I like jumpin' shows and cute boys with an IQ over 120. If I could, I'd drink Monster or Full Throttle: Blue Demon every goddamn day. My favorite movies are Rocky Horror Picture Show, Moulin Rouge, A Clockwork Orange, Donnie Darko, Across The Universe, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Better Off Dead, and Natural Born Killers. I like to take pictures. Slamming doors is pretty cool. I spend my afternoons playing Rock Band, texting, napping, and dicking around on the computer. I'm trying to bring back the phrases, 'smashing,' 'capital,' and 'wiggy.' I loved the 90's. I eat like an obese person. I think cats are mad cute. My favorite animal is a tiger. I draw during class and I let my grades slip because of it. I'll probably draw you, at some point or another. My relationships never work out for me. I'm guessing I'm hard to handle. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so please, dear God, treat me right? Heartbreak is something I've become accustomed to. My reputation always manages to proceed me, and people judge me on what they've heard. I like to surround myself with people who have my back during a fight. I like to drink, but I hate vodka. Whisky's where it's at. I'm a redneck girl at heart, although I don't seem like it. I'm gonna buy an apartment in the city when I'm older. I'm very proud of my family, and I'm even proud of their flaws. I dig riding around in cars. I always think I need to lose weight, even when people say I don't. I like trivia games. Uno's my favorite card game. I'm very flexible. I probably know more big words than you. I'm going to get a Subaru Brat one day. I love the beach, and swimming. Plus, I look great in a bikini. I'm a camera whore, and proud. I'm extremely merciful when I know I shouldn't be. I won't normally fight back unless you REALLY get my goat. I trust very few people. I'm a shortie, but I got mad curves. I plan on making the chest curves a little madder, ya dig? I like to lay on the floor and zone out. People coming over is always chill. I hate the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights and the band The Mars Volta. French was a bad choice of languages for me, but yes, Je parler francaise. I love taking trips. My favorite celebrity is Gerard Way. I switch my signature in my text messages a lot. I shaved my arms once and now they're a lot hairier. I never sleep on pillows or on my back. If you bite the back of my neck, I get turned on. I look much prettier through my own eyes, but I always look horrible in pictures. Overthinking things is my downfall. I used to be gothic, and then punk, and now, I'm just whatever. I attend the Celtic Festival and Warped Tour every year. My best friends are Chelsea, Nick, and Taylor. I think Spanish people are quite sexy. Some Mexicans are, too. I idolize Barack Obama. If I could, I'd fill a room with bean-bag chairs and a giant stereo, with a coffee table in the middle and Jenga on the table. I fall over a lot. I trip a lot, as well. Certain parts of my body are always colder than others. If I stare at you, I'm not doing it to intimidate you, I'm just zoned out.I like to dance. I always look angry. I pretty much always keep my mouth open. I play with my nose ring too much. I love to sing and I want to be a singer. I dye shirts and my hair too much. It's easy to make me laugh. I tend to smell like vanilla. I think the coolest pattern is checkers. I like hair metal. I also like ATVs. I have more rings than Mr. T. I can never wear more than one necklace at a time. My clothes must always match. Don't be creeped out if I buy you clothes as a gift, I just think that you'd look good in it. I always have a song stuck in my head. I'm extra loud. I like sleeping over at other people's houses. I pick my nose. I bite my nails. I straighten my hair every day. I barely ever paint my finger nails. I normally come to school without make-up, and put it on during classes. I like the weekends. Swing dancing is way awesome. I want to go to a rainbow gathering. I hate the words 'shmexy' and 'pubic.' I think Chris Crocker will be the death of the nation. Stephen Colbert is funnier than John Steward, in my opinion. I hate pickles on my burgers, but I love mayonnaise. I'll eat Burger King before I'll eat filet mignon. I like to hold hands and smile. Let me sit in your lap, because I find that cute. I love to cuddle. My toes are pretty much always cold. I sleep with one leg out from under the blanket. I have a song quote for everything. I can be a vindictive, little bitch sometimes. I think peace is the way to go. My mind is always thinking up new ways to describe myself. So there's just a whole bunch of random stuff about me. (: Link tell me what you think

why georgia [Aug. 10th, 2008|05:23 am] [ Tags | why georgia sky crystal sea daffodil ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ feeling | contemplative ] [ tunes | my brother playing guitar ] I find myself asking, "Why?" a lot. Ever since I was a little girl, sitting in the middle of an open field with no one but my dad, listening to the grass sway and shimmy in the wind. The sky was a beautiful crystal blue, almost to the point where you wanted to just jump right on up there with the clouds and swim in it. There was nothing around but the sound of plants and sky and clouds and my own thoughts. They were never thoughts of misery or woe at this time in my life. The only thing that profoundly stood out from everything swimming around in that sea of thoughts was the one, simple question: Why? "Why are the clouds the only ones who get to enjoy the sky's company, Daddy?" "Why are there no trees or birds around me?" "Why can't I live here forever?" and most importantly, "Why am I here?" Not wondering why I was in such a dream of a place, but simply wondering of my own existance. I still question it, to this day. Except what seem to be more meaningful questions are appearing, as well. Things like: "Why doesn't he miss me, like I do him?" "Why are people so ignorant?" "Why can't they just see the world like I do?" "Why am I not happy?" "Why are colors and sounds and small things not as pleasing to me as they used to be?" I tend to wonder a lot why the world has changed, for someone like me. Why things can't be as simple as they used to be. Why I had to question my own meaning after Collin left me. Why I don't love myself. All sorts of why's. I may never find the answer to it, either, but I do know this: I want to find my dream field. The field I have painted in my head. Nothing but perfect, yellow daffodils for miles. No rolling hills. No trees. Just the ocean, meeting a plain field of golden sunshine in flower form, and have a small breeze going. And when I do find it, I'll sit within the flowers and stare straight at the sky, at the clouds, at the perfect blue, that I used to when I was young and knew the entire beauty of the world. "'Cause I wonder sometimes, about the outcome of a still verdictless life." - John Mayer, Why Georgia Link tell me what you think

f.o.d. [Aug. 7th, 2008|12:11 am] [ currently residing | basement ] [ feeling | contemplative ] [ tunes | dialogue in dead like me ] Let's start with the basics about where you went right with that blog. Okay? Let's let you revel in your own 'awesomeness' for a second. First off, you're right to say I'm covered in acne, disgusting, and have horrible teeth. This I know, and cannot change. The acne is not my fault, seeing as I've had it since 3rd fucking grade, and probably will always have it, seeing as it's a hereditary problem within my family. As with teeth. My family has been trying to even so much as make rent lately, hense a main reason that I have to get a job. They can't afford to buy me braces, and probably won't be able to for a very long time. So, I'm saving up for them. And the disgusting thing may be your opinion, but it is also mine about myself and I don't think that is going to change for either of us, even if I got corrective surgery or changed anything about me. Your hatred fuels the digust you have for me, and the fact that I hate my appearance fuels mine. i'll leave it at that. Now, let's move on to everything else. Not everyone who has removed themselves from my life has "betrayed" me. The only reason you think that is because I only choose to mention the ones that did, in all honesty, betray me.They are the only ones that matter to me. If you and I had a civil understanding and parted ways, I wouldn't think what I do of you. But, seeing as you randomly up and left me when we were supposedly "best friends" isn't going to make anyone happy. You never chose to share with anyone why you stopped being friends with me, which made things even worse. When people asked you why, all you would say is "I'm just fucking through with her." Something had to get you to that point. And by reading what you said about me, I guess I understand what did. What you may think about me is your own opinion, but in truth, people think the very same of you that they do about me. Everyone has enemies, and all their enemies think badly of them, whether they be ex-best friends, acquaintances, authority figures, or even ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. I, naturally, think badly of you for how you present yourself as the Jesus of everything right and holy in Richmond. As if everything you do doesn't have as much wrong in it as mine does. If you think my bands are crap, my relationships are crap, and what I choose to do with my day (even though you haven't spoken to me in over a year and have no idea what I do with my days) is crap, then all I can say is good for you. If it makes your life any easier to think that I'm just a burn-out, acne-ridden, ugly inside and out, loser, then by all means think so. It doesn't matter what I say because hatred makes people think things like that of one another. But, remember, if that were true, you wouldn't have been friends with me for so long. I'm sorry you and I have different ideas on certain things, and have a lot of differences in general. It's what led to us not being friends, and it's what led to this. i'll admit that what started this was my conversation with Hunter, but that doesn't mean that your little goons can go and tell you everything I say. I'd hope that one of them decides to send this to you, out of all of the things I have said, because this is what i want to say to you, without trying to sound completely hateful. Yes, I honestly do loathe you, but that's not from pure hatred out of what happened. That's because I hate people like you. The three things I hate in life are these: fakes, liars, and cowards. All three of those types of people meld into you, as well as the God complex you seem to have to make up for the fact that you hate yourself so much. Self hatred is natural, but to make a blog and talk about almost every day, making up for it by thinking you're the shit and dying your hair until it falls out? That's just not right. If I really felt compelled to do so, I could cuss you out and just get it over with. But that doesn't seem to effect you in the slightest, aside from fueling more anger within, which you choose to lash out on those people who say the bad about you. Trust me, Monica. You're just as awful as the next bad person. And when you say to yourself, "Well some people think I'm great, you bitch," think about it: I mean, fuck. People thought Hitler was great. And it's actually quite sad that you don't seem to understand that about yourself. I seem weak to you because I'm straight-forward with who I am, and it hurts when people don't like me. You, on the other hand, play nice and pretend that everything's okay with you because I'm pretty sure you don't want anyone to see what you see in yourself. You're not at all comfortable with your flaws in any way, shape, or form, so you fake it like if you don't let others see it, they'll never find it out. I played under those rules, too, and that was when I was friends with you. Then I decided to show everyone, including you, who the fuck I was, and that was it. If you don't like who I am, then great. More fucking power to you. But I love who I am, and so do my friends. I've stopped being friends with the ones who have hurt me in the past. I know people will continue to hurt me, because friends leave as time fades away. But, for the moment, I've got all the friends I need. And the one person who has stuck by me since Kindergarden is still around to tell me that no matter what happens or what I choose to do, whomever I choose to date, or whatever happens, she'll be right by my side. you may think the same of Ariel and you, but Ariel fucking lies to you so you'll stay around instead of ditching her like you did before. I still have the conversations from her saying it was YOU who had the 'crush' on me. Guess what, sweetie? When it comes to girls, you're not my fucking type and I wasn't even fucking openly bi when you and I were friends. If I had any inch of an attraction to you, fuck. I would've acted on it. But I never did, and never will. And I'm sorry if that shoots your little argument to Hell, but Ariel DOES lie to you. And I know she also lied to me, which is why I wasn't devastated when she and I stopped being friends. I send her one message asking if we were still friends, and that was it. So, if she decides to be friends with con artists, then fine. I'll let her go on her merry way. Now, to my exes and your choice words on my sex life. Again, thnk whatever you want. But, I loved every single man I ever had sex with, and it's not the outlandish number you think it is. Besides, it's my personal life. if you have insider information from some people you know, and trust me, I know exactly who told you these things about me, then whatever. But at least have the human decency to keep it to yourself. I know about your sex life, too, Monica, and I know what ladies you've fucked, but I don't tell people because IT'S NONE OF MY MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS. Alright? Okay. And by the fucking way, no. I don't care what you say about me, but if you directly engage me in an argument with false accusations, then yeah, you'll hear from me. And if you're saying I stalk you, again, no. I look at everyone's everything on the Internet, and if you decide to make it public, then yeah, I'll read it. you just think it's stalking because you'd love to think anyone would take the time to stalk you. I read blogs daily, by everyone and anyone, including you. So don't flatter yourself. Oh, and my brother wanted me to mention how much of a hippocrate you are. I tend to agree. I guess this is all I really want to say at the moment, but if you choose to reply to this, I'm sure there will be more. I'll also post this in countless of other places so you won't think this is only MySpace bitching. To everyone else who has me added, I hope you guys read it, too. (: Link tell me what you think

screws fall out [Aug. 5th, 2008|04:43 am] [ Tags | shit ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ feeling | blah ] [ tunes | just a friend - biz markie ] "So this pen is starting to become a pipe bomb, and these songs have turned to anthems again." Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been kinda busy/haven't really cared. Plus, there's been all sorts of drama that's really hard to explain. My only comment seems to be, How can summer bring just as much drama as the school year? I guess it all just never ends, especially not during the high school year's of a girl like me's life. I've taken refudge in my music. It's not that different from normal, really, because I used to do it all the time, and with the upcoming school year, I see myself doing it a lot. Although, I really do believe a job will help. It will keep my mind off all the bad at school, even if my job is for only 3 hours a day during the school week, until I turn 16, of course. So that means November is a big month for me. As to Nick, since I haven't really brought anything up about him in a while, all I really have to say is that I don't feel as close to him, at the moment. It's a lot easier to not talk to him than it used to be, and that feeling was definitely fueled by last night. In summary, it went down as such: He and I began to talk, I got mad at him, he hung up on me. I called back, he saw I was vunerable and angry, he took advantage, said something so mean that I honestly don't think anyone will ever be able to top, I cried harder than I have in years, he kept being mean for a while, then that 'calm after the storm' kind talk hit and we ended our night on a good note. I guess. I'm not really positive on that. All that I know is that what he said scarred me. I don't really want to trust him after it. It was like a verbal slap to the face, when I didn't even deserve one. I would understand if I had it coming, but I really didn't do anything wrong. And then, all of a sudden, BAM. Right in the kisser. I'd say I have a lower self esteem than most, but I woke up in the morning just wanting to crawl into my little self-righteous bubble and hide in it for the rest of my life, never having to deal with such pain ever again. It really hurt me. Which, in accordance, comes to the topic of bringing him here, which I'm still not 100% positive about. I'd say it's about a 70/30 chance of me actually doing it now. The reason I say so is the conversation last night was so monumental to me (in a bad way) that if I brought him here, it sort of feels like if I brought Steven here after him cheating on me. I know it's a harsh comparison, but still. It feels that way. I don't know, this little part of me really wants to hold him. I guess that's my heart? Then that other part of me wants to kick him to the ground and curb-stomp him (or something along those lines.) I guess that's my brain. But shit. Who am I kidding? I listen to my heart, always, at the end of the day. That's what I hate so much about myself. Ugh. Anyway, there's this guy Chris, whom I adore. He's precious and I'd love to have him and I in a asual relationship sort of thing. Problem is, he's been avoiding relationships for the past 3 years. So he told me it's kind of a no-go. So, I figured it was the easy brush off. Whatever. I'm used to it. Hahaha. Anyway, apparently Nick's on Stickam, so I'm debating going and getting on webcam, so that's it for tonight. Peace. Link tell me what you think

it hurts [Jul. 21st, 2008|05:26 am] [ Tags | boyfriend girlfriend video blog big mac ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ tunes | it hurts - angels and airwaves ] You can see my undies. (: This is gonna be something I'll do a lot, so here's my 1st entry in my video blog. Link tell me what you think

the rock show [PT. 2] [Jul. 17th, 2008|01:43 am] [ Tags | warped tour ava crowd surf ] [ currently residing | my basement ] [ feeling | dirty ] [ tunes | dialogue in judge dredd ] Warped was awesome this year, just a little strange. First off, I knew it would be strange because any year I don't have a camera with me, I get hurt. It's just like... what happens. I don't know. God loves my camera. ANYHOO. First we saw Dillinger Escape Plan because Courtney wanted to see them and Gabriel-- Gabe. My Mexican is better than your Mexican. (: was in that pit and texted saying he wanted me to come there. (: Sooo, we showed and Dillinger was pretty heavy, and then they decided they wanted to play Hot For Teacher, WHICH WAS FUCKING AWESOME. So after that, we dicked around for a while. We didn't find Gabe in the pit, so we were texting him on and off, as well as texting Vanderdouche (whom I choose not to even GRACE with a photo in my blog) because we saw him a few times and he wanted to hook up at some point. After a while of me chilling an smoking, we met up with Gabe and chilled with him for like 10 minutes before he went to go sit on the hill and we continually got harassed by people asking for cigarettes and asking us to listen to their bands. We left there and picked up some posters, and went to go sit in the Amphitheater, where Courtney found us and told us that Reel Big Fish was on in like 3 minutes. We left to go see them, and I got wayyy far up front (about 4 rows of people behind their singer) and Chelsea got punched in the mouth and started bleeding, and left, but I didn't know about it because she got punched after someone had already pulled me into the mosh pit. I moshed for a while after losing her, fucked up both my big toes to SHIT, and sung along to every goddamn song. I was so excited. They were so funny and fucking amazing. I was laughing my ass off and skanking like no one's business. They played "Take On Me" as their last song, and I crowd surfed and then sung along from the back. (: SO! After that I had to HAUL ASS to Say Anything, since Chelsea was gonna go hang out with Vanderdouche. I got into the back, and started singing my little heart out. I noticed a big dude in front of me and had a small, internal battle with myself about doing another crowd surf, and finally, I gave in and tapped the dude in front of me to help me up. He lifted me and I was carried about 10 feet while I was singing, and then I hit a big patch of preps who were like "OMFG CROWD SURFER! MOOVVVEEE~~" so I got dropped and have a HUGE cut and bruise on my elbow. I get up and the woman behind me's like "R U OKAY?!" I say, "Yeah dude. I'm fine." I look in front of me while singing, and who turns around but GABRIEL. He's like "Oh yeah I just saw you drop. I couldn't help. I was too far away." So he and I chilled and danced to Say Anything, and afterwards we walked to Every Time I Die, and as we did we talked about some of the times we used to talk and stuff. It was really awesome. I left to go get water, and then long story short, ended back up with them after a little while. So then we decide to go see The Devil Wears Prada, and Gabe gets a text from Chelsea saying that she didn't think we were going to stay any longer. Haha, Gabe like sighed and tried to convince me to lie to my parents so I could spend the night with him, Nick, and Constance in a hotel room in VA Beach that night. I really, really wanted to. Like, no joke. Not to fuck Gabe or anything, but to just be with him because I really like him. Anyway, I called my mom and I'm pretty sure she smelled through the bullshit and told me to go meet back up with Chelsea. So Gabe and I parted ways with a big hug, and I went back with Chelsea and Courtney, who decided they were gonna go see As I Lay Dying. Their pit was AMAZING. It was the whole crowd! I got in in like the last few seconds and got about 3 punches in before everything ended. So, at the end of the day, Angels and Airwaves played. Gabe was in the crowd, and I really really REALLY wanted to stay, but Chelsea felt like shit and wanted to go home. So we stayed for "Everything's Magic" and "It Hurts." On our way out with heavy heads, AVA started playing "The Adventure" and Nick was texting me at the time, and shit just happened I started crying and I dunno. That was the down point. I hate leaving Warped Tour an I hate getting my heart broken. ): It was all really amazing, though. Somehow I ended up with a broken nose or some shit, and I ended up just popping it back into place last night as I went to bed. Haha. Anyway, off Warped topic, Nick's dating his best friend Kiley now and he's probably still coming in August, so we'll see how that pans out. I can't say as I'm happy, but whatever. I kinda have a date tomorrow with Gabe, and Friday I have a date with Taylor, and we're going to see The Dark Knight. (: So all's good. <3 I'll write more tomorrow, and hopefully, I'll take pictures. Love y'all! (: Link tell me what you think

smokin' [Jul. 14th, 2008|03:14 am] [ Tags | drinking fighting marlboro smooths ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ feeling | crappy ] [ tunes | choke me - the used ] I really don't feel like blogging tonight, so I'll make it short. Very bad night. Nick and I fought and now he's ignoring me, I think. I could really go for some herbal refreshment, if y'all know what I mean. I will say this, though. Marlboro Smooths and Ryan saying on a hot scale of 1-8, I'm a 6 is pretty awesome. Anyway, I'm gonna do drink, probably. Bye. Link tell me what you think

a decade under the influence [Jul. 13th, 2008|06:47 am] [ Tags | rue 21 she hulk straight edge pot colleg ] [ currently residing | my living room sofa ] [ feeling | blah ] [ tunes | do you know (knife in your back) - killradio ] Eh. I'm in one of those... weird moods I get in when something seems amiss, but I can't put my finger on what it is, or something bad's gonna happen and I haven't figured out what it is yet. So I pondered on that for about an hour earlier, and decided to give Nick a call because he's having some trouble deciding if college is even for him at all. He was stressed due to a lot of different things, and at one point in our conversation, he had to hang up on me so he could talk to Kiley, his best friend, since she was freaking out about some stuff. So, when I call back, he says, Him: "Hey, I'm going over to Sarah's to go talk to Kiley." Me: "Wait, why? Are things really that bad?" Him: "She's just freaking out so... I dunno. I'm gonna go talk to her." So, I guess something just came upon me and I asked him if he was sure that he didn't want to be with her, which he assured me he didn't want to be at all, and long story short, he told me he was very stressed and didn't wanna deal with me at that moment, and told me to call him tomorrow. That's Nick's way of saying, "You've pissed me off. Leave me alone." So I left him a comment on his MySpace and I hope that he understands how much I love him and need him. You guys have to understand. Typically, I wouldn't go for someone like Nick, because he's basically a straight-edge kid who hates drugs. I, on the other hand, normally, would drink, smoke, and fuck almost every day. I mean, it used to be that I'd have sex a LOT and get high with my stoner buddies a LOT more than I would have sex, which, when I was with Billy, was a shitload. But, there's something about Nick. He makes me want to be a better person. I haven't smoked pot in like a month an a half, because the last time was when I was dating Collin, and I'm quitting smoking in August, before he comes here. I know that everyone says I shouldn't quit drugs for anyone but myself, but it's weird. I feel comfortable quitting for Nick because I want to be a better person for him. I've never felt that before, with anyone. That's why I feel like this is absolutely pure and true, instead of him just being some asshole that either fucks me over or I just can't stand. But, that's all beside the point. My day today was okay, but very boring. My crowning achievement was that I put 20 new songs on my iPod in a new playlist and got some tanning in. I feel like I've become a couch potato, which isn't helped by the fact that I have no car and all of my friends have moved, are out of town, or are sick. :/ Although, my mom was basically She Hulk today. She went to Ilene's house for her birthday and brought all this shit with her, and Valerie a little later called and told us that some chick challenged my mom to a fight in the kiddie pool and my mom wrestled the woman down and won by holding her head underwater for 2 minutes. I was like, "Well, shit. Go Mom." I just found out, as well, that we're not going to the beach tomorrow, as originally planned. Instead we're going for a picnic at Maymount, which, seriously, is a lot less exciting. Fuuuck. I hope Monday night is fun. It's all I really have to look forward to at the moment. And Warped, if Chelsea's feeling up to it, WHICH I PRAY TO MY SWEET LORD SHE IS. That will totally BLOW if I just spent $45 on my ticket and she says, "Hey man. I feel like shit. Let's not go see the best Warped that's ever come to VA Beach." Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed because I have "a big day tomorrow." I swear to God, if we don't go to Rue 21 and pick up my aviators tomorrow, I WILL flip shit. Ugh. Night. Link tell me what you think

dreams [Jul. 11th, 2008|06:01 pm] [ Tags | dream stabbing sue carlos umbrella raini ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ feeling | awake ] [ tunes | people talking ] Aww, dude. It's 3 p.m. and I've just woken up, but I had the most fucked-up dream last night. And I seriously have to write it down before I forget it. Okay, so apparently, it all took place in my dad's neighborhood. And Cavin's family lived with us, except his dad was the Capulet's father in the new Romeo + Juliet. So he and I were hanging out, and we were on the front porch and it was pouring down rain. He was like, tickling me and stuff, and we were laughing, and then we decided to go for a walk, even though it was raining. So, he and I start to walk, and then like out of nowhere he gets a bike. So he's biking and I'm laughing at him, and he bikes off and then turns around and throws an umbrella at me. So, I open up the umbrella and it's a teeny little globe umbrella that is really high up in the air and does nothing, so we throw it to the side. So I decide to go chill at the house across the street and he goes back to the house. I go into the house next door and Carlos is there, so he and I decide to go for another walk. Then, for some reason, we decide to hide in a ditch, and the umbrella SHOWS BACK UP IN CARLOS'S HAND. So, he chucks it, and we didn't notice this guy standing right next to us, and Carlos barely hits his hand, and the guy's like, "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK YOU HIT ME!!!" and Carlos says, "Dude, chill, we barely hit you." and the guy says, "NO WAI I'M GOING TO SUE." so we like, back up back into the house while this guy's yelling at us and for some reason, two random little girls and Holly and Billy Norwood were there, just in the house, so we end up in a closet and I explain that he can't sue us because we have too much shit going on in our lives for that, and then he just kept yelling. So, Billy and he start screaming at each other and then they get into a physical fight and the guy whips out this HUGE butcher's knife and starts trying to stab Billy. They end up taking the fight outside and start rolling around on a table by the pool outside, and then Billy gets the knife from the guy and then just KEEPS STABBING HIM. Billy gets up and I look at Garreth (who randomly showed up) and was like, "... Is he dead?" and Billy pushes the body into the pool and he and Holly run away into the night and I look at Garreth and I ask, "Is this a dream or is this real?" The last thing I heard in the dream was Garreth saying "I dunno, it was really realistic and there's stuff being projected on the window over the-" And then Garreth started yelling at the dog in real life and it woke me up. So it was weird, man. Really, really weird. o_o Link tell me what you think

sleep all day [Jul. 11th, 2008|12:33 am] [ Tags | el camino warped tour newports pictures ] [ currently residing | my basement, as always ] [ feeling | bored ] [ tunes | highly illogical - leonard nimoy ] It's unfair, really. I'm on a good sleep schedule lately, and yet all I do is sleep now. I hate sleeping the day away. It's really annoying because I lose track of time and wasting minutes of my life sleeping is the worst feeling ever. ): And it's not like I really have the option to just stop staying up until 3 every night. I mean, I have to talk to Nick, otherwise I'd become this obsessive blogger who put in a post like.... 7 times a day because I don't like talking to anyone else. Speaking of those people, they scare me. Two posts a day every now and then is okay, but like, 3 or more a day is very creepy. It's called 'getting a cell phone and some friends to text.' I mean, really. Speaking from experience, having enough friends ask you daily 'wuts up' through texting... It really will make you not want to write down what happened during your day, once again. On that note, all of the cell phones in the house have been turned off. Why? WE'RE TOO POOR TO PAY THE BILL! WHOO! So I don't have texting right now, yet I still keep receiving text messages from people. Do you guys just not get it? I don't know, the fault probably rests with me because I can't text you back saying I don't have texting. My phone makes a little beeping noise at me and says, 'SMS BLOCKED. TRY AGAIN LATER.' Again, because we haven't payed the bill. :/ I pray I have texting before Warped Tour, because Chelsea might not be able to bring her phone and I need to text a few people to find out if we can meet up. Namely, Gabriel. I love that Mexican and want to meet up with him, at least for a little bit, at Warped. (: Ugh. Yeah. Speaking of which, Warped this year might actually be pretty painful. Chelsea (my best friend in the whole entire fucking universe and the only person that means more to me than anything everrrr) informed me that a whole shitload of emo motherfuckers from our elementary school and her current (SOON TO BE MY) high school want to hang out at Warped. Plus a bunch of preppy Henrico fuckers will be there. It's like, 'If you're going for one goddamn band, then just don't go at all.' And I swear to God if any of the preps I know from my school/county are in the Reel Big Fish pit, I WILL FLIP SHIT AND KNOCK THEM OUT. SKA IS NOT WHAT YOU LIKE AND DON'T FUCKING FAKE THAT YOU DO. God, that pisses me off. Like, seriously. Don't go see a band that you've 'always wanted to hear' and hum along to the songs and look around like 'omg am i cool nowz?' Fuck. That. But now that I think about it, I'm pretty much a Warped Tour snob. Haha. BUT I HAVE REASON TO BE! I've only met a few cool people there. Everyone else is just there to either buy cheap shit or see like 2 bands out of the hundred or so that are there. 0MG L3T'5 G0 S33 B0YZ L1K3 G1RLZ! Anyway, I'm sure I'm gonna be writing about Warped a lot more than I should for the next few days, so that's all I'm going to say for tonight. On a lighter note, I need to put more pictures on my deviantArt. I'm thinking about doing a photoshoot this weekend, maybe. I need to think up a concept, though. Pin-up would be cool. But, if my mom'll let me get a gangster shirt while we're at Rue21 getting aviators for Warped, I'm gonna do a kind-of retro 80's shoot. Hopefully I'll get some good out of that. Seriously, I need a tripod. Or someone to take pictures of me that I don't feel embarrassed asking, 'Hey, will you take this picture of me?' And I don't even know why that's so embarrassing for me. Maybe, it's just that I'm the only person who knows how to take pictures of me. Like, from what angles and positions. And, I'm very picky with my shots. Like, it has to be a certain way, otherwise I hate it. I have a mental picture of what I want it to be in my mind and if it doesn't match that than I get angry. Oh, and on a closing note for tonight, can you believe Newports cost $4.15 a box? I mean, they're good and all, and all I want to smoke right now, but FUCK! I don't like spending more than $3.50 on smokes! OH MY GOD I NEED A JOBBB. ): Anyways, I leave you with this: My beautiful, future car: a blue and yellow El Camino. <3 Later! Link tell me what you think

the rock show [Jul. 9th, 2008|10:34 pm] [ Tags | warped tour rules preps n00bs ] [ currently residing | basement sofa ] [ feeling | anxious ] [ tunes | fight scene in mystery men ] THE 10 RULES OF WARPED TOUR: Written by ME, because I've been enough to know what NOT to do. 1.) Don't be a jerkoff and wear a hoodie, unless it's raining. The reason you shouldn't wear a hoodie is because normally it's like 100 fucking degrees in VA Beach for Warped and if you wear a hoodie, I swear to God more people than just Chelsea, Courtney, and I will make fun of you or throw things at you. 2.) Wear shoes that cover your ankles. NEVER EVER EVER wear shoes that leave your ankles exposed in a mosh pit. You end up with permanent scars, like me. Some dude stepped on the back of my foot first year I went to Warped and I have permanent scarring. 3.) DON'T WEAR A SKIRT! Especially if you decide you want to go commando. People will find ways to look at your vagina. I promise you that. Even if you think you're safe. 4.) Never take your top off, no matter how cute you may think some dude in some band is. It isn't worth it. 5.) If you're a girl, wear a bikini top. If you're a guy, go shirtless. It'll probably be pretty hot and overheating sucks dick, and Gatorades are normally like $4. 6.) Never pack too many bands into your schedule. You'll end up really disappointed because you won't see them all. Just go see the ones you really want to see and give yourself some time in between to rest. 7.) Bring a buddy. Getting lost in a crowd sucks if you can't get out, but your buddy will come find you if you're lost.... and they're a good friend. Haha. 8.) Bring a backpack that closes tight. NO MESSENGER BAGS OR ZIP BACKPACKS. PEOPLE WILL STEAL YOUR SHIT. Get one of those sports bags that closes at the top like a vagina and sits tight on your back. I took one of those last year and it was perfect. I plan to take it again. 9.) Always have a place to reconvene. By the bathrooms is a really good place. Nothing sucks worse than when you lose your friends and miss a few bands because you were too much of a dipshit to stay with them. and 10.) Write down your schedule on a piece of paper that is always near you. Never on your arms or anything. If you get in the pit, or play on the water slide, then your schedule is GONE. It's not good. Thought I should write this all down for you preppy n00bs that have decided to grace us with your awful presence. (: Link tell me what you think

all over you [Jul. 9th, 2008|05:00 am] [ Tags | my love for nick ] [ currently residing | my living room ] [ feeling | jealous ] [ tunes | dialouge to brewster's millions ] I need to write this stuff down, before it gets away from me and I go back to just not caring and posting out a facade. Look, I didn't want to love again after Collin, at least not for a long while, but at some goddamn point, I have to look at the real situation: I love Nicholas Teo Zatta. I love him way more than I should, and the fact of the matter is that whenever he and I are on the phone, and he says things like 'Come here and lay with me, I'm lonely,' or 'I love you. Come be with me?' it just makes me... euphoric. Collin didn't want me to speak to Nick while we were together because he saw straight through my lies. He knew how much I love Nick, and that I love Nick just as much as I ever loved Collin. I hate it, though. It's like when you see something in a store window on the street, and you really want it, but you can't have it because you were just fired from your job and you're broke. If I had all the money in the world, I still wouldn't be happy because I don't have him. I could have him, though, because it's all a matter of where we live. If only Oregon was a sister state of Virginia. God works in mysterious ways, and my heart is not a friend of mine. It doesn't give a shit what my brain says and it just goes out and gets exactly what it wants. The reason I don't want anyone hitting on me or asking me out, Nick, is because I'm yours. Completely. Not because I don't care, because I care too much about you. I caught myself two days ago, on my way to my dad's, staring out the car window and not paying any attention to the conversation my brother and mom were having because I was too busy with the daydream of being in your arms. I was sitting in your lap, and you had your arms around me, and you were tucking my hair behind my ear and just gently kissing my cheek repeatedly. And we were so happy. Like, we were a picture perfect couple, just us... It was like nothing else existed. I know you need me as much as I need you, but you're afraid of being alone way too much. Look, baby. You give me this feeling of absolute and complete happiness... more than I've felt in a long time. It's overwhelming, really, and I'm going to try everyday to get you to feel the same way. I feel like in August, your feelings about being alone will change. Besides, once I get my job and a car, I'll make the commitment and drive out there whenever I can. I'll save a whole bunch of money from my paychecks and keep it in a little fund called the 'Visit Nick Fund.' (: Seriously, baby. No woman could ever love you the same that I can, and it just hurts that I can't show you and you don't feel like what I say is strong, since I'm bipolar and freak out a lot. The ABSOLUTE truth is that I need you more than I need my own health. You even know that talking to you at night is more important than sleep. <3 I've been living my life for a while with a nice balance of you and my schooling, and I plan to keep it that way because you mean way too much to me to let this go. Ever. You are the light of my life. You're what I want. You're it, baby. Ask me to be yours, and I'll be yours forever. Rock, paper, scissors promise. I love you, tiger. <333 Link tell me what you think

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