| f.o.d. |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|12:11 am] |
| [ | currently residing |
| | basement | ] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | dialogue in dead like me | ] |
Let's start with the basics about where you went right with that blog. Okay?
Let's let you revel in your own 'awesomeness' for a second. First off, you're right to say I'm covered in acne, disgusting, and have horrible teeth. This I know, and cannot change. The acne is not my fault, seeing as I've had it since 3rd fucking grade, and probably will always have it, seeing as it's a hereditary problem within my family. As with teeth. My family has been trying to even so much as make rent lately, hense a main reason that I have to get a job. They can't afford to buy me braces, and probably won't be able to for a very long time. So, I'm saving up for them. And the disgusting thing may be your opinion, but it is also mine about myself and I don't think that is going to change for either of us, even if I got corrective surgery or changed anything about me. Your hatred fuels the digust you have for me, and the fact that I hate my appearance fuels mine. i'll leave it at that.
Now, let's move on to everything else.
Not everyone who has removed themselves from my life has "betrayed" me. The only reason you think that is because I only choose to mention the ones that did, in all honesty, betray me.They are the only ones that matter to me. If you and I had a civil understanding and parted ways, I wouldn't think what I do of you. But, seeing as you randomly up and left me when we were supposedly "best friends" isn't going to make anyone happy. You never chose to share with anyone why you stopped being friends with me, which made things even worse. When people asked you why, all you would say is "I'm just fucking through with her." Something had to get you to that point. And by reading what you said about me, I guess I understand what did. What you may think about me is your own opinion, but in truth, people think the very same of you that they do about me. Everyone has enemies, and all their enemies think badly of them, whether they be ex-best friends, acquaintances, authority figures, or even ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. I, naturally, think badly of you for how you present yourself as the Jesus of everything right and holy in Richmond. As if everything you do doesn't have as much wrong in it as mine does. If you think my bands are crap, my relationships are crap, and what I choose to do with my day (even though you haven't spoken to me in over a year and have no idea what I do with my days) is crap, then all I can say is good for you. If it makes your life any easier to think that I'm just a burn-out, acne-ridden, ugly inside and out, loser, then by all means think so. It doesn't matter what I say because hatred makes people think things like that of one another. But, remember, if that were true, you wouldn't have been friends with me for so long.
I'm sorry you and I have different ideas on certain things, and have a lot of differences in general. It's what led to us not being friends, and it's what led to this. i'll admit that what started this was my conversation with Hunter, but that doesn't mean that your little goons can go and tell you everything I say. I'd hope that one of them decides to send this to you, out of all of the things I have said, because this is what i want to say to you, without trying to sound completely hateful. Yes, I honestly do loathe you, but that's not from pure hatred out of what happened. That's because I hate people like you. The three things I hate in life are these: fakes, liars, and cowards. All three of those types of people meld into you, as well as the God complex you seem to have to make up for the fact that you hate yourself so much. Self hatred is natural, but to make a blog and talk about almost every day, making up for it by thinking you're the shit and dying your hair until it falls out? That's just not right. If I really felt compelled to do so, I could cuss you out and just get it over with. But that doesn't seem to effect you in the slightest, aside from fueling more anger within, which you choose to lash out on those people who say the bad about you. Trust me, Monica. You're just as awful as the next bad person. And when you say to yourself, "Well some people think I'm great, you bitch," think about it: I mean, fuck. People thought Hitler was great. And it's actually quite sad that you don't seem to understand that about yourself.
I seem weak to you because I'm straight-forward with who I am, and it hurts when people don't like me. You, on the other hand, play nice and pretend that everything's okay with you because I'm pretty sure you don't want anyone to see what you see in yourself. You're not at all comfortable with your flaws in any way, shape, or form, so you fake it like if you don't let others see it, they'll never find it out. I played under those rules, too, and that was when I was friends with you. Then I decided to show everyone, including you, who the fuck I was, and that was it. If you don't like who I am, then great. More fucking power to you. But I love who I am, and so do my friends. I've stopped being friends with the ones who have hurt me in the past. I know people will continue to hurt me, because friends leave as time fades away. But, for the moment, I've got all the friends I need. And the one person who has stuck by me since Kindergarden is still around to tell me that no matter what happens or what I choose to do, whomever I choose to date, or whatever happens, she'll be right by my side. you may think the same of Ariel and you, but Ariel fucking lies to you so you'll stay around instead of ditching her like you did before.
I still have the conversations from her saying it was YOU who had the 'crush' on me. Guess what, sweetie? When it comes to girls, you're not my fucking type and I wasn't even fucking openly bi when you and I were friends. If I had any inch of an attraction to you, fuck. I would've acted on it. But I never did, and never will. And I'm sorry if that shoots your little argument to Hell, but Ariel DOES lie to you. And I know she also lied to me, which is why I wasn't devastated when she and I stopped being friends. I send her one message asking if we were still friends, and that was it. So, if she decides to be friends with con artists, then fine. I'll let her go on her merry way.
Now, to my exes and your choice words on my sex life. Again, thnk whatever you want. But, I loved every single man I ever had sex with, and it's not the outlandish number you think it is. Besides, it's my personal life. if you have insider information from some people you know, and trust me, I know exactly who told you these things about me, then whatever. But at least have the human decency to keep it to yourself. I know about your sex life, too, Monica, and I know what ladies you've fucked, but I don't tell people because IT'S NONE OF MY MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS. Alright? Okay.
And by the fucking way, no. I don't care what you say about me, but if you directly engage me in an argument with false accusations, then yeah, you'll hear from me. And if you're saying I stalk you, again, no. I look at everyone's everything on the Internet, and if you decide to make it public, then yeah, I'll read it. you just think it's stalking because you'd love to think anyone would take the time to stalk you. I read blogs daily, by everyone and anyone, including you. So don't flatter yourself.
Oh, and my brother wanted me to mention how much of a hippocrate you are. I tend to agree.
I guess this is all I really want to say at the moment, but if you choose to reply to this, I'm sure there will be more. I'll also post this in countless of other places so you won't think this is only MySpace bitching.
To everyone else who has me added, I hope you guys read it, too. (: |
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